Posts from the ‘Bill’s Humor’ Category

*Where Do Penquins Disappear to When They Die?


penguin-mammal-bird

Dead Penguins – I never knew this!

Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins on the ice in Antarctica?

Where do they go?

Wonder no more ! ! !

It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic bird which lives an extremely ordered and complex life.
The penguin is very committed to its family and will mate for life, as well as maintain a form of compassionate contact with its offspring throughout its life.

If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other members of the family
And social circle have been known to dig holes in the ice, using their vestigial wings and beaks,
Until the hole is deep enough for the dead bird to be rolled into, and buried.

The male penguins then gather in a circle around the fresh grave and sing:

“Freeze a jolly good fellow.”
“Freeze a jolly good fellow.”

You really didn’t believe that I know anything about penguins, did you?

I am sorry, an urge came over me that made me do it!

Wildlife is for Carving,   Bill

Bald Eagle #3

Bald Eagle #3

Leaving Town?


To help save the economy, the Government will announce
next month that the Immigration Department will start deporting

seniors instead of illegals in order to lower the costs of Social Security

and Medicare.

Older people are easier to catch and won’t remember
how to get back home.

I started to cry when I thought of you.

Then it dawned on me.. ..Oh, crap…

– I’ll see you on the bus.

TTFN…..B.

*Yes, I Have a Lifetime Difficulty with Car Keys, etc.


Subject: Car Keys
Several days ago as I left a meeting, I desperately gave myself a pat
down looking for my keys. They were not in my pockets.
A quick search in the meeting room revealed nothing. Suddenly I
realized, I must have left them in the car. Frantically, I headed for
the parking lot. My theory is the ignition is the best place not to
lose them. As I burst back out through the doors, I came to a
terrifying conclusion. The parking lot was empty.I immediately called the police. I gave them my location, confessed
that I had left my keys in the car, and that it had been stolen. Then I
made the most difficult call of all, I called my wife,…”Honey,” I
stammered. “I left my keys in the car, and it has been stolen.”

There was a period of silence. I thought the call had been dropped but
then I heard her voice. “Idiot”, she barked, “I dropped you off!”

Now it was my time to be silent. Embarrassed, I said, “Well, come and
get me.

“She retorted, “I will, as soon as I convince this policeman I have not
stolen your car.”

Yep it’s getting like that. The golden years

*A “church” Men’s Business Meeting


The men of this congregation were trying to be innovative, creative and reasonable in discussing several ideas to improve  various things in the church services, facilities, etc. 

Every time someone would stand up and make a suggestion, a certain older member of the flock would stand to say “I’ve been a member here for forty years and have given a-lot of money to the church here. I don’t like this idea at all!”  This was repeated  on each of the following proposals from several different men.

Finally, a fairly young newcomer to the congregation stood and addressed his remarks to the older, dissident gentleman. He said to him; “why don’t you go home and find out exactly how much money it is that you have donated to this church; we want to buy you out” !

*Guiness on St. Patrick’s Day


*Guiness on St. Patrick’s Day

Posted by Bill on March 16, 2012

Can’t help sharing with you Kathy Lee Gifford’s Paddy Day’s Joke (heard this morning on TV):

Leprecan

A little old Irishman always stops at the Pub on his way home from working all day. His daily habit was to order three pints of Guinness from the bartender at the bar. He would then sip from each pint in rotation until all three were emptied. Then he would order a second set of three and follow suit; then go home.

The bartender observed this ritual for many times over awhile. One day, he suggested to the old Irishman, that he should just order one pint at a time and that he, the bartender, would notice when he required the refill, and have it there for him. This way, the Guiness would always be properly chilled.

The Irishman shared that he had two brothers living in two other countries. They had taken an oath to drink together, at this very hour each evening, always. The bartender understood the sentiment and was touched. And so, the tradition went on for a time, until one day the Irishman ordered only two pints instead of the perennial three pints.

The bartender took immediate notice of the changed protocol and approached the Irishman at the bar. He said, “I know your tradition and I’m certain that one of your brothers has passed away. Please accept my heartfelt condolences.


The Irishman’s eyes twinkled as he grinned and answered; “Nay, me brothers are both still living; I’ve simply quit drinking”!

Happy birding and carving,  Bill

Bald Eagle #3

Bald Eagle #3

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